Today I saw the DaVinci Code movie. Leaving the movie theater, I was filled with a great deal of emotion and one all important question. As far as questions go, it was the most pressing question that I’ve had in a long time — what is wrong with the Vatican? Are they retarded? No, seriously. Are the leaders of the Catholic Church retarded?For months the leaders of the Catholic Church have been trying to get this movie banned, blocked and removed from theaters. Why does a FICTIONAL MOVIE have a higher priority for the Catholic Church than PRIESTS MOLESTING CHILDREN??? For starters, the movie was kind of like a documentary (except, of course, with better actors). It was also a re-hash of a lot of things that we’ve all heard before. All-in-all, I left the movie theater thinking that if the Catholic Church puts so much emphasis on works of fiction while ignoring things that are really going on, maybe the central teachings of the Church are fictional too. Maybe the Pope, the saints, the Virgin Mary and confessionals are all lies. Hey, Vatican, don’t blame the DaVinci Code. Blame your own retarded selves.

After I calmed down, I also started wondering about people who think that the DaVinci Code is true. Some aspects are true, definitely. Other aspects are debatable. Others are the lies writers create to make a good story come to life. For what’s true and what’s not, go past the movie and pick up a book (or five hundred of them, depending on how much truth you need).

Ultimately, Jesus having kids doesn’t matter at all to me. I can see how it would upset the Catholic Church though. Now he’s not just up there on the cross. He’s a human being just like all of us. If you’re in the business of creating a universal church (of which, Catholic means “universal”), it kind of takes the power away from your bishops and cardinals now that everyone has direct access to the god-man himself.

The Catholic Church is really missing a ministry opportunity. Jesus could be portrayed as more applicable to everyone’s daily life. In addition to holding down two jobs to make ends meet (carpenter and minister), he also has to deal with the stresses placed on him by his wife and kids. All the while, he’s preaching a message that every working stiff can put to use in their life. If the Vatican misses out on this golden opportunity, they only have their own retarded selves to blame, not the DaVinci Code’s.

Fortunately, by the Catholic Church’s vehement denial of Jesus being married and having kids, other conspiracies have been kept in play. Think about it — if you’re a thirty-three year old guy and you’re not married, people are going to start wondering. First, our Lord and Savior may have committment issues. Not being able to commit to one person is far from divine and casts serious doubts on his promise of dying for your sins. Secondly, it’s good to see that the “Was Jesus Gay?” conspiracy is still alive due to the Vatican’s crack marketing geniuses. Of course, that makes perfect sense considering the allowances made by the Vatican for men to fondle little boys.

While not commenting on the sorry state of affairs in this world, I’m usually either working or at home relaxing. The past two Saturdays were exceptions to the relaxation rule, as I ventured out into North Carolina’s Triangle region for a little fun and excitement. This post is the tale of two Saturdays.The Saturday before last (May 20th) my company sponsored an event at the local Putt Putt called Family Fun Day. And boy, was it ever fun. The best part was the value. We got to do anything at Putt-Putt — miniature golf, rides, go carts — all day long for one low price. Hope wanted to take advantage of this opportunity by trying something she’s never tried before — climbing the rock wall. Needless to say, she didn’t get too far. That’s kind of good, since she would have a lot farther to fall.

Miniature golf is my favorite outdoor activity. There have been entire summers where I attempted to escape the burdens of the real world by playing a game that little kids can get into. It’s also kind of fun on a spazzy intellectual level, you know, with all the geometry and angles and vectors and stuff. This, combined with the extremely competitive nature of any game that Hope and I are involved in, led to a number of contentious moments. However, when all was said-and-done, I took three of the five games we played (the other two resulted in ties). However, she made it up when it came time to hit the game room, winning at both air hockey (normally my strength) and Mortal Kombat.

We decided to take a break from mini-golf for awhile and visit the Animal Planet Expo being held in nearby Cary. We arrived toward the end of events, so we didn’t get to see dogs catching frisbees and jumping through flaming hoops. It was relaxing and a good opportunity to take pictures.

Yesterday (May 27th) we went to the JC Raulston Arboretum at North Carolina State University. This was the most acceptable compromise possible. Hope wanted to go the mountains or to a major theme park, which is her idea of what people doing on Memorial Day weekend. I wanted to stay home and play games. This is my idea of what people do after a tough week of work. Two competing visions, but we met in the middle. I secretly didn’t even want to go to the Arboretum. But I guess Hope will find that out when she reads this blog.

My favorite part of the Arboretum visit was the goldfish pond/waterfall area. It was shaded, which really helped out on a sunny Carolina summer day. In addition to the goldfish that would attack your fingers whenever they were dangled into the water, this area had a curious leaf picture on the floor. It seemed very familiar, like just seeing it made me want to down every bag of Fritos that I saw. Anyway, there are a lot of plants at the Arboretum — many native to other, more exotic parts of the world. But none with leaves as great as these were found at the Arboretum.

My other favorite site was the occasional hanging fish ornaments that were held together with those tie strips that you use to bundle packages and electrical cords. That was my kind of construction project. All of them were nicely done, except for the puffer fish, which didn’t really look like it was done. It was hanging in the otherwise exquisite rose garden, which presented a scary contrast to the beauty and elegance normally associated with roses.

The Arboretum was kind of fun. Again, it was definitely a good picture taking opportunity. Hope’s taking a photography class at Wake Technical Community College, and even after a couple of classes, she’s getting really good at taking pictures. I’ve often encouraged her to photo-blog to show off her photographic visions, but that hasn’t happened as of yet. Her best photograph was of a man she caught sharing a tender moment with a sad willow tree. You could just feel the emotion conveyed as each found out that their tree-human lovechild was just killed by a crazed lumberjack.

We ended the day by catching a film at the local $1.50 movie theater. We passed up the opportunity to fight the crowds to watch DaVinci Code at the new movie theaters, saved a bundle and spent a little bit more at the snack bar. After a really tough decision, we chose to see V for Vendetta. But that’s a topic of discussion for a more serious post, I guess.

This evening, I received notification from North Carolina State University that I have been officially accepted into their MBA program. This is a goal that I’ve spent a great deal of time over the last three months to achieve. As you can see, I’m really happy about it.Technically, I knew since a couple of Fridays ago that the admissions committee has recommended my application to the Dean. Of course, now it’s official. Or in my book, damn near official. For me it’s official when I get the letter. If they take the time and expense to put it through the US Postal system, they’re serious.

When I received word last Friday, I was in a slight state of denial. I found out when a little voice in the back of my head told me to check my email during lunch. I love that fucking little voice — he, she or it has served me well over the years. I went back to work, deciding that I wouldn’t tell anyone (unless they asked, of course). Nobody noticed the stupid-ass smirk on my face, but that’s probably because I just have a weird looking face anyway, so it’s par for the course.

The Monday after getting the news, I received a number of emails inviting me to join various campus groups and to attend a get-to-know-you party the following Thursday. This was making it more real. It took two days before I mentioned it to my co-workers. I had started wearing a NC State had that I bought, thinking that people would notice I wasn’t wearing the “Crawford University” hat that I wore every day. But nobody noticed.

Thursday rolled around, and I went to my party. I wasn’t sure what to expect. I expected suits and ties. It was too hot for that sort of thing, so I went with slacks and a shirt with a horse sewn into its breast. And a jacket. And my Chuck Taylors. How could it rightly be called a party, if you weren’t wearing the Cons? I was nervous as hell, but started feeling better when I looked around at the crowd. They were people (roughly) just like me. I took my nametag and two blue tickets (for liquor at the bar) and made my way through the crowd.

I should have started at the bar, grabbed a beer and took the edge off. But as I made my way toward a large crowd, I tripped, nearly plowing one of my fellow students to the ground. At least it was a conversation starter. Unfortunately, it was an awkward coversation started with one of my future finance professors. Hopefully, my clumsiness doesn’t translate to the classroom. After a couple of beers and numerous conversations, I felt quite a bit more relaxed. I’m glad I didn’t get falling over drunk, since that would have been counter-productive. I tried to steer myself away from long conversations with sharks (business students that attack you at the first sign of blood). One of my favorite conversations was with the head of the local Net Impact chapter. Net Impact is an organization that believes in “doing good” while making money. I’m not sure if I’d fit in, but it’s definitely worth considering.

All-in-all, this event (called the Wolfpack Welcome) was a great event. It made me feel comfortable with the program, the professors and my fellow students. It also made me feel like I’m moving forward and starting to make the right choices in my life. I’m a lot less nervous now than the day I submitted my admissions application. Now I’m just counting off the days until orientation starts in August. I’m so excited.