This morning I was awoken by the question, “Can I borrow your car to go to church?” Reluctantly, I mumbled in the affirmative. Then came Hope’s follow-up: “Do you want to come with me?” Then she started rambling on about how it doesn’t matter what kind of clothes that I wear to services. I know for a fact that it does. Maybe not to JC, but definitely to the people there. If nothing else, church-going is a social event.Then, she hit me with the fact that it’s a start up. Somehow she thought that because it was a start-up that it would appeal to me. Nearly every organization is a start-up at one point, whether it be Wal-Mart, Starbucks or the Manson family. Fewer people assure that I won’t be able to avoid the assault from the eyes-glazed-over believer. I once read an article in Playboy about renaming the religious right “glazed donuts” because of that sugary, smiley look on their face and glazed, glassy look in their eyes just before they are about to tell you about their Jesus. Unfortunately, I’ve had to stop using that terminology, as it’s recently come to my attention that this may be a porno term.

Not only was this a start-up, but it had a snappy name: The Connection. How can you go wrong with that, since connecting with G is what it’s really about? Well, once you get past the dogma, failed ideologies and pressure to socially conform. I answered her question about going by closing my eyes and uttering, “Christian Connection is queer”.

I think I know how the rest of today will play out. Normally, Hope is overly-critical of everything. Except for her Christian religion. Like many, she sides on the side of Christianity, no matter what it does — right or wrong. I’m sure she’ll have a great time. Although there is a great deal of worry on my end. Sunday will be blown to hell and back. She’ll no doubt come home believing that there’s something wrong with our relationship, or maybe my relationship with the other side, for that matter.

Those, however, are the least of my worries if she’s happening to be joining up with some sort of cult, of course. From the Connection website:

We are seeking persons who are interested in being part of the “launch team” for this new and exciting ministry! If you are new to the area, between churches, or have a desire to be part of something adventurous, then this might be the opportunity for you! We invite you to come and join us for one of our gatherings, or call/email us if you would like to find out more!

Hopefully, she’s not a full-fledged O.G. member of the “launch team” when she comes back. I couldn’t help thinking about the Manson family startup.

While I didn’t go, I tried to make use of my time by cleaning (and oh, blogging, of course). All the while, I thought of the awkward moments of being witnessed to. For me, what I believe is not a yes-no answer. The biggest problem with modern American Christian religion is that it’s too influenced by the political media. Christianity is a soundbyte. “Are you a Christian?” “Yes.” Soundbyte complete. That’s a lot easier than telling the truth or asking what it truly means to be a Christian. I find it utterly disgusting. The power that makes me live and breath shouldn’t be relegated to a three-second exchange. That only cheapens it in my book.

Blogs are perfect places for fuller explanations of things that really matter. An old college professor of mine (the same one mentioned in previous posts) said that there are five ways of knowing anything, religiously-speaking that is. These ways are:

1. Authority – someone else (your local preacher, the Pope, the President, etc.) tells you what God is.
2. Tradition – you believe and act in a way that has always been for further back than anyone can remember.
3. Scripture – somebody (it doesn’t matter who) wrote something down that they believe to be divine truth.
4. Reason – using logic, observation and scientific principles to make inferences about the nature of God.
5. Experience – you have either a defining moment or a series of defining moments that reveal God to you.

A lot of problems are caused by the difference between the way many mainstream orthodox and fundamentalist congregations “know” and the way that I know about God. Typically, your mainstream Sunday services will espouse methods one through three. Some progressive Christian congregations may even hint at methods four or five, but most never fully acknowledge those as these are never more important than the first three. But from this, you can see the big problem that many have with Sunday services. Which is more important in determining what Christianity is to you? Is it what the head of the denominational body, your parents and a two thousand year old book says? Or is it what your thoughts and your life are about? I guarantee that once you step outside of that congregation, you are on your own. You won’t be able to blame the minister, your parents and your Bible then. Religion must do something for the people who believe in it. It must make sense and be relatable to the problems that people are experiencing today in this world — not some future heaven made up of gold streets, cotton candy clouds and glazed donut streams.

When I got interested in the Christian religion, it was all about the B-I-B-L-E (method three). But it didn’t match up with what the preachers were telling me or what society at large was telling me. Ultimately, in and of itself, it didn’t make sense. I’ve been told by many preachers who’ve heard my discourses and analyses of the Bible how wise I am in these things. That is, of course, until I hit them with the punchline. Then, they usually shake their head slightly, close their eyes and say, “You’re just a little misguided”. If they had their way, it would be back to Chrisitian re-education for me.

While I have been quite industrious on my day off, I will probably need to make plans for next Sunday. She’s been gone for more than two hours. It’s possible she’s got her “launch team” Member’s Only jacket by now. I’ve toyed with the thought of starting my own congregation, since I know that there’s a spiritual void for many in this country that they are yearning to fill. At least, it’ll get me out of the house Sunday morning, so I don’t have to have the argument about going to her church ever again.