Or more appropriately — beating up depression.
I’ve been down for a number of days. Yesterday was pretty bad since I was downtown again. This time I wasn’t there to fight the powers that be (and have the fight tabled by the judge). I was there surrendering to the powers that be by paying a ticket I received for failure to renew my license in a timely fashion. It wasn’t like I was trying to circumvent the system — I just honestly forgot to renew it. Man, I was pissed. The second that I stepped out of my car and started walking toward the court house, I knew I was the most dangerous bad ass that was downtown that day. Not the attitude you want to convey while walking into the courthouse, but that’s another story. I had tried to channel that anger into beating my depression, but that didn’t work at all.
Today I pretty much felt the same way. I decided to take stock of all the things that were driving me to this depression as the mid-afternoon rolled around and I could get alone and in my quiet space. I thought concretely and tangibly of what these things were and realized them to be what they really were — distractions from what was really important. That’s when I turned to the power of prayer.
Now for everyone reading this who thinks it’s not their bag, you can stop reading. I was feeling bad, now I’m feeling alright. You have your rationalist or atheist sound bite for the evening. That’s all you need to know. For everyone else, keep reading.
I’m not going to discuss the process or theory behind this. I’ll just tell you that going through the motions probably won’t do it. Whether it was divine intervention (as I think it was) or some power source created by subatomic particles aligned by my personal and intense focus, it doesn’t matter. Everything that was bugging me — my car’s brakes going out, my laptop mysteriously crapping out, the cold sunless Raleigh day, concerns over my personal relationships, the feeling that I would never be able to shake these terrible feelings — all those worries went away. I was able to act with amazing composure and purpose, slicing away at problems like a prayer-powered ninja. Everything on my plate was taken care of (including what turned out to be a sunny and warmer than expected February day), except for my search for a new job — Gee Whiz left that ball in my court. The door’s open. Now I just have to walk through it.
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