It has been brought to my attention by at least one close associate that I did not genuinely answer a couple of the questions from the quiz I posted during Spring Break on March 3rd titled Faith’s Friends Survey. Normally, I don’t censor or retract the things I say or write in support of the general precepts of truthiness, but I will make an exception this time since the requester is a very important person to me and the questions I allegedly lied about dealt with the topic of love. These questions were #10 and #31. I will address each separately and give a new, more sanitized bullshit answer.
10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Would I sound like a heartless bastard if I said “No?”
My new answer is: Yes, I cry all the time. I could be crying because I’m so happy; I could be crying because things just don’t work out. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Isn’t life so crazy and romantic, both desirable and undesirable at the same time. I tend to let women determine my emotional state and also allow them to turn me into a lovesick pussy quite frequently. I’m co-dependent too, and if you make me cry enough, I will accept being psychologically abused as an expected condition of all relationships.
31. Who is your greatest love? Hmmm. Is this a trick question?
My new answer is: Well, it’s definitely not Jesus. Why would anyone love Jesus more than another person? Christians really don’t mean that sort of thing. That’s why “Christians” love the Superbowl more than their Lord and Savior on certain Sundays. Of course, I love Hope more than anything. She’s my number one friend on Myspace for a reason — she makes me cry, errr, I mean laugh all the time. I’ll say whatever you want, just don’t hit me anymore. When I get to Heaven, I’ll tell Jesus he was my number two on Myspace. He won’t hold it against me, since he forgives everyone for their sins.
Anyway, there’s my retraction. Kind of useless, since I stand by my original answers, even though the answers might have across to some as uncaring and evasive. Vague answers are sometimes funnier and help me keep that air of mystery that my publicist thinks will help my career. I’m sorry if I slighted anyone that I care about in the process. While most of the stuff I blog about is just bullshit, it’s really clear to those around me who know the “real Johnny Crawford” that I can (and quite frequently do) take my very un-funny jokes to extremes. The real Johnny Crawford is also sometimes an asshole, but I don’t really need to put that in my blog for most people who know me to know that.
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