This is a top secret message for all of the white people out there. Yup, that’s right — white people only. Yeah, I know, I have a lot of Indian readers. Okay, you guys can read this too. Whatever you do, don’t tell any black persons. If you are a black person, stop reading this now. This is top secret, remember?
Barack Obama’s officially been President for about a month now. It’s time for the launch of Operation: Steal Black. For those of you who have forgotten the rules, I’ll briefly review them. First, find something that black people created, love and acknowledge as their own. Think about some of the subjects from previous stages of the project: rock and roll, common American idioms and phrases derived from urban sources, any black comedian you can think of, hip hop, the Black Wall Street, even peanut butter. Then, find something really white to associate with it, kind of like the way we used Pat Boone to do all those R&B covers. Keep repeating this process until the culture at large believes that the target can only be perpetuated by the predominance of white society.
Okay, so now let’s talk about Obama. Don’t forget to keep calling him white. Talk up his time at private schools and all of his fancy food preferences. Repeatedly name drop all of white friends. Point out that, after a month, it is still being called the White House. Yeah, he plays basketball just like most white people, but he can’t jump. Got it? You’ve got your orders, now roll out!
File this one under sarcasm. That is, except for the stuff that black culture and history has contributed to America. That was for realz, and it wouldn’t be America without these contributions. It would be like Pat Boone Land, and that would suck.
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