It has been brought to my attention by at least one close associate that I did not genuinely answer a couple of the questions from the quiz I posted during Spring Break on March 3rd titled Faith’s Friends Survey. Normally, I don’t censor or retract the things I say or write in support of the general precepts of truthiness, but I will make an exception this time since the requester is a very important person to me and the questions I allegedly lied about dealt with the topic of love. These questions were #10 and #31. I will address each separately and give a new, more sanitized bullshit answer.

10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Would I sound like a heartless bastard if I said “No?”

My new answer is: Yes, I cry all the time. I could be crying because I’m so happy; I could be crying because things just don’t work out. Maybe it’s a little bit of both. Isn’t life so crazy and romantic, both desirable and undesirable at the same time. I tend to let women determine my emotional state and also allow them to turn me into a lovesick pussy quite frequently. I’m co-dependent too, and if you make me cry enough, I will accept being psychologically abused as an expected condition of all relationships.

31. Who is your greatest love? Hmmm. Is this a trick question?

My new answer is: Well, it’s definitely not Jesus. Why would anyone love Jesus more than another person? Christians really don’t mean that sort of thing. That’s why “Christians” love the Superbowl more than their Lord and Savior on certain Sundays. Of course, I love Hope more than anything. She’s my number one friend on Myspace for a reason — she makes me cry, errr, I mean laugh all the time. I’ll say whatever you want, just don’t hit me anymore. When I get to Heaven, I’ll tell Jesus he was my number two on Myspace. He won’t hold it against me, since he forgives everyone for their sins.

Anyway, there’s my retraction. Kind of useless, since I stand by my original answers, even though the answers might have across to some as uncaring and evasive. Vague answers are sometimes funnier and help me keep that air of mystery that my publicist thinks will help my career. I’m sorry if I slighted anyone that I care about in the process. While most of the stuff I blog about is just bullshit, it’s really clear to those around me who know the “real Johnny Crawford” that I can (and quite frequently do) take my very un-funny jokes to extremes. The real Johnny Crawford is also sometimes an asshole, but I don’t really need to put that in my blog for most people who know me to know that.

I received this “friends survey” on December 17th, 2007 from Faith. That probably gives some insight into how seriously behind I’ve gotten on emails. Faith probably forgot that she sent it to me, so this is probably going to be a really big surprise. So, Faith, if you’re reading this, surprise!

1. What time is it? Just after 11:00pm.
2. What’s your full name? Johnny Crawford.
3. What are you most afraid of? Living to be more than 100.
4. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a theater? It’s been such a long time since I’ve been to a movie in the theater that I can’t remember.
5. Place of birth? Just outside of Motown.
6. Favorite food? French fries.
7. What’s your natural hair color? Red, well, reddish.
8. Ever been to Alaska? No.
9. Ever been toilet paper rolling? Only while in the bathroom.
10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Would I sound like a heartless bastard if I said “No?”
11. Been in a car accident? Yes, and I am a car accident just waiting to happen.
12. Croutons or bacon bits? Bacon bits.
13. Favorite day of the week? Friday.
14. Favorite restaurant? As far as sit-down, non-fast food dine-in restaurants are concerned, I would say either Red Lobster or Crazy Fire Mongolian Grill in Cary, North Carolina. I like Sweet Tomatoes too. As far as fast food or quasi-fast food, I’m definitely into Subway.
15. Favorite Flowers? Forget-Me-Nots, but I’m really starting to like Morning Glories (strictly for purposes of being beautiful flowers only).
16. Favorite sports to watch? Football.
17. Favorite drink? Schlitz Malt Liquor.
18. Favorite ice cream? The kind with the red, yellow, and blue swirls.
19. Disney or Warner Brothers? I like Disney more even though I think a lot of Disney’s programming is collectivist mind control. For some reason, though, I really liked “The Little Mermaid.”
20. Ever been on a ship? No, and I hope I’m never abducted by space aliens.
21. What color is your bedroom carpet? It’s a dark creme color with subtle blue flecks in it.
22. How many times did you fail your driver’s test? None.
23. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? I’m not certain, but the most recent email in my Inbox is from the Libertarian Party of North Carolina.
24. This question was missing.
25. This question was also missing.
26. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? I don’t think anyone will send this out as an email based on my blog post, but I could be wrong.
27. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? N/A.
28. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their responses? Ditto.
29. Favorite TV show? Shimmy.
30. This question was missing.
31. Who is your greatest love? Hmmm. Is this a trick question?
32. What are your favorite colors? Blue. Sometimes black. Occasionally gray.
33. How many tattoos do you have? None currently, but I’ve toyed with the thought of getting one (or maybe two or three) later this year.
34. How many pets do you now have? Too many.
35. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?  It doesn’t matter, since there are chickens and eggs in existence now, and boy, could I use a chicken sandwich right now?
36. What do you want to do before you die? Live.
37. Have you ever been to Hawaii? No.
38. Have you been to countries outside the US? Only Canada.
39. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? Zero, but I’m sure someone will see it, since I do have at least a couple of regular readers for this blog.
40. Time this survey ended? Just before 11:45pm. Wow! Maybe I can get in a bit early tonight.

Well, there you go — answers to almost forty riveting questions about me. I’m not sure any of it was actually that interesting, but feel free to copy these questions and forward them to your friends (with your own answers, of course) so they can respond via email, blog, Myspace bulletin, whatever. Keep the game going, just be sure to answer them in a timely fashion, and don’t let this simple and fun exercise sit for two and a half months (like I did).